Kuch accha sa nahi lag raha. Neend aa rahi hai, per sooya nahi jaa raha. Jo chahat hai woh mil nahi raha aur jo hai pass mai, woh bhi chooth raha hai. Pehle jhaghad ke bhi jo pass the mere, aaj choti-choti baaton ko lekar rooth rahe hai mujhse.
Mera ek hi saath sab kuch kharaab ho gaya. Kaam, dost, pyaar, mera sab kuch bekaar ho gaya. Aalsi sa ho gaya hu main, bistar se uthne ka mann nahi karta. Haara hua sa lag raha hu khudh ko. Ab main aayine mai khudh ko zinda nahi lagta.
Sab kehte hai, ki main samajh sakta hu tera dard. Per mujhe pata hai haqeeqat mai koi nahi samajh raha hai. Kaash koi aisa aavishkaar hota iss duniya mai, jissey main sach main kisi ko mehsoos kara sakta, ki mujh per kya beet rahi hai, main samjha paata usko ki iss pal mai mujhe kaisa lag raha hai.
Sab zindagi mai kuch na kuch kar rahe hai. Jo nahi kar raha, usko bhi pata hai ki usey aage badhne ke liye kya karna hai. Mujhe nahi pata ki sawaalo ke jawaab kaise milte hai. Mujhe koi nahi samajh raha, aur jo samajhta tha mujhe woh bhi chooth gaya, aur ab to main khudh ko iss duniya mai khoya hua sa lag raha hu. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai, main kissey kahu, kissey maloom karu ki mujhe aage badhne ke liye karna kya hai.
Ab to sabse 'Naa' sunne ki aadat hi ho gayi hai. Main jiss kisi ke bhi kareeb jaata hu, woh agle hi pal mujhse door jaane ki baatein karne lagta hai. Ab to mujhe darr lagta hai kisi ke kareeb bhi jaane se, aur pata nahi kyun ab koi mujhe apnaana bhi nahi chahta hai. Main issi baat ko lekar poora din pareshaan rehta hu, phir din nikal jaata hai aur raat ko bhi sukoon ke liye roone lagta hu. Kabhi-kabhi khudh ko mita dena ka bhi mann karta hai. Main sach bata raha hu, apni qismat per mujhe, sach mai bahut gussa aata hai.
Uper waala bhi mujhe aise logon se milwaata hi kyun hai, jinhe mujhse kuch rakhna hi nahi hota. Mera kahin bhi mann nahi lag raha hai, yeh baat theek hai. Per ab mera iss duniya se mann hi uth gaya hai yaar, ab mujhe samajh nahi aa raha ki aise mai kya karte hai ? Jo dikhaayi de ussey to ladh bhi lunga main. Per yaar jo dikh hi nahi rahi hai pareshani mujhe, ussey kaise ladh sakta hu main ?
Sab kuch be-matlab, bekaar sa aur zabardasti ka lag raha hai mujhe. Ab to jeena bhi mushkil lag raha hai mujhe. Acchi-acchi baatein sunn ke pakk chuka hu main. Jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai, yeh sunn-sunn ke thak chuka hu main. Sab theek ho jaayega, ab yeh kehna bhi kisi ka faaltu lag raha hai mujhe.
Yaar main darr raha hu. Mujhe nahi pata main kya kar raha hu. Jo kar raha hu, woh ho nahi raha. Jo ho chuka hai, woh tik nahi raha. Main apne aap ko seeshe mai dekhne se darr raha hu. Nahi seeshe mai koi baat nahi hai, seesha to wahi hai, per main pehle jaisa mujhe dikh nahi raha hu.
Jo hota hai, acche ke liye hota hai. Meri zindagi mai ho to bahut kuch gaya, bass ab dekhna yeh hai ki accha kab hota hai.
-M. N².
